loneliness People live very differently. Some people love being alone and others do not support even a while.
There are many ways of experiencing as individuals on the earth, but I think there are some common features that allow us to divide experiences of loneliness in two groups: the loneliness and solitude as punishment for shelter. Two ways of dealing with the same phenomenon, though not mutually exclusive. It is quite possible for a single person's loneliness is, at some point, a penalty and, in another shelter.
UTILITY PROBLEMS
differentiate these two experiences is important because in each case, the loneliness is serving a different function. Although it is difficult to accept, when a problem is with us for a long time is usually sustained in part by ourselves because us "is" for something. Many times, what makes us suffer in life is the way we've found to deal with something that causes us difficulties. Something that frees us from evil, but that we are subjected to another. But ... Why can serve loneliness?
Many of the people I've come across in clinical practice and say they feel alone suffered also feel that this alone was a punishment, a sentence that they imposed by some weakness or personal failure and against it was useless to struggle. So, they lived their loneliness as a superior design, as an inevitable fate.
The fact that loneliness appears frequently associated with the idea of \u200b\u200bpunishment is not at all strange because, historically, the most serious crimes were imposed one of two sentences: death or exile. And what else is banishment to a condemnation of the utter solitude, expulsion from the world of men and breaking all ties with peers?
archetypal exile is the penalty imposed on those who are deemed unworthy. The betrayal, shame, immorality, are the crimes that were punishable by banishment, as if to tell him who commits them, "Go, do not want you here, you're like us, you are not worth living between us. Go and never come back. "
This plan was not intended to punish someone for doing something. Indeed, the exile was punished for being in a certain way, to embody something that the rest of the community was undesirable. For those people ashamed to drive one that was a way of recovering the sullied honor of the group.
And I think it's worth asking here: Is not this what we all do when removed to another, separate one aspect that belongs to us but because we reject ?
I think many people who feel lonely, they feel their loneliness as a sentence of banishment as a punishment for being who they are.
They feel unworthy and ashamed of themselves and therefore inflict or at least, accept the punishment of loneliness. It's like saying to themselves: "You are unworthy, go, hide." Themselves argue that penalty that may at some point experienced or just imagined. ACCEPT THE SHAME
Solitude is thus a way to atone for the shame we feel for who we are and hope to recover in the future, dignity. But this mechanism hides a trap, because being alone is, in our society, unworthy of himself and the initial punishment was compounded by the shame of it alone.
The attitude of many "lonely" is the same as the outcasts, seek to redress this lack, the shame. Only then can to be back among his people. But how to repair the failure to be who I am? No way. The only way out is to abandon definitively the belief that being in a certain way can be a crime.
The only possible reparation for the shame that is the source of that exile is the loneliness that is precisely the affective encounter with the other. If face shame we shrink, we will move away from the very thing that could be your balm. Will then have to face it, not to pursue the objective of the disappearance, but supporting it with the strength we have left.
If you wait to "get back with your head up" run after reaching the "honor", but it elude us like a shadow and it is likely that we spend much time in exile of solitude. Perhaps it is better to return, as the tango, with withered face, because we all felt to a greater or lesser extent some embarrassment, some indignity: it comes from being aware of our fragility, our miseries and fears. Comes, in short, in fact a person.
LONELINESS AS REFUGE For others, loneliness, far from being a punishment, it is in a shelter. A safe place, uncomfortable and unpleasant but safe, where to stay away from other major hazards.
In this case, the image that comes to my mind is not banishment, but of a cold, dark cave, in which One will escape from something that haunts us. Certainly prefer to be walking under the trees, the rays of the sun, but watch out, God knows what you might find.
We said at the outset that few things frighten us more than the idea of \u200b\u200bcompletely stand alone, then what could we be so afraid to choose refuge in the cave of loneliness? Clearly threats from others, in particular: the rejection and abandonment.
DECLINE AND BE REJECTED
Both rejection and abandonment are painful experiences, it is no use denying it. The problem lies in believing that it is possible to be certain that we would not occur to us. That sure no one has. If I believe
possible links to the other without having to go through situations of rejection, when I arrive, it surely will, I feel angry or as an injustice. Or, conversely, think that because something is wrong with me. The truth is that it is not possible and intimate relationships without running the risk of missing the experience of being rejected, to reject, of being abandoned or left. Indeed, one might almost say that there is a risk but a certainty: someone turn us away, at least in some aspect or the time to share something, and we will reject someone, but then accepted him for anything else.
THE VALUE OF RELATIONSHIPS
Likewise, at some point in our lives, to touch us neglect. Even in the best link that will last a lifetime, will not last more than that and then, inevitably, one stop to another. And it is painful to bond, but even so, it is worth. Account
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry the Prince was found one day with a fox
"I can not," replied the fox, I am not tamed. Tame and we can play together.
- What is tame? Asked the Prince.
"It's a very forgotten," said the fox, it means creating links. Will come I sit every day and getting a little closer. First I shall look at you suspiciously, then I'll leave approach. Wheat does not mean anything to me, but you have golden hair, if you tame me, every time you see the wheat fields will be something special.
And so the Prince tamed the fox and they became friends. Until one day the Prince had to continue his journey.
"Well," he said I must go.
- Ah! I will mourn, "said the fox.
-is your own fault. You asked me to tame you and now you're sad. "When you let
tame the risk to mourn a bit," said the fox.
"But then you gain nothing," said the Prince.
-Gano "said the fox by the color of wheat.
Beyond its current or not, always win encounters with others. And we won by what we leave in our lives. For much of them lives in us and what survives of us in them. And maybe find those special people in we can also relieve us of that essential loneliness of being oneself.
Sources:
By Demian Bucay
Magazine Healthy Mind "No. 8
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